Hurting,anxious,bitter and sad
I am unacknowledged
At times I doubt my very existence
I am unappreciated
Snubbed,rejected and shunned
And yet I hold on to the slippery rope
And yet I hope for a better tomorrow
And yet I know I am an option
Unappreciated, pathetic and confused
Like a dog eager for affection
I jump roll and pant for affection
Only too pleased to be noticed if only for a brief moment
And yet I stay in ambiguous welcome
Gutted, reeling and groaning
Wounded by careless words
Seared and scalded by indifference
Denied love,joy withheld
All this in the illusion of being needed
Battered brutalized and betrayed
And like a well-trained dog I wait for the release command
For I will not liberate myself voluntarily
Like a demonic dog I slobber and howl into the night that is my love life.
Desperate, needing and longing….
I need to rewire and reset myself to the same frequency as the many people I interact with. The assumption that all think like me is the cause for many a tension.
There are things I would NEVER ask nor demand from the next person and people have no qualms doing that to me.
And then there’s the random acts of kindness which one does without much thinking and I find the reciprocation of same almost impossible and in the rare occasion it is accompanied with much fan fare, ululation and speeches.
In the few times I have returned fire with fire, a tit for tat of sorts where my behaviour and demenour matched the next person’s I find there is not only much wailing and gnashing of teeth, outrage even, but there’s also the heightened state of unnecessary tension.
There’s a manner of speaking, a tone that I reserve for the next person. It never ceases to amaze me though how some people can open their mouths and let rip without a second thought.
I respect the next person’s property, however grand or minute. Once again I get endless thrills at how all I own or possess is a free for all. I find many folks would gladly help themselves to whatever without so much as a by-your-leave.
Most of these social faux pas that I witness are usually met with intrigued silence on my part. Some call it passive agression.
In my silence I ask myself how in the world can the next person not see how badly behaved they are. In my silence I’m fascinated at how some people seem to be completely desensesitized.
In my silence I’m agog at how some people are so out of touch that the finer nuances of interpersonal relationships could be aptly described as UFO’s to them.
It shocks me how some of the lessons I learned as a child escaped some adults I know I always say.
I’m grateful for the type of parents I have.
My folks taught me etiquette. My mother has always had issues with badly behaved children. Especially hers. Parents each your children and make them better adults.
It’s that time of the year again. Eastern Cape is chomping at the bit ready to send it’s young and fittest to yet another session of man-making foreskin annihilation session. Imagine a production line to the abattoir amidst much fanfare. Like lambs to the slaughterhouse the blanket clad juveniles are led to their respective bomas in an air of jubilation, anxiety and dare I say not without a hint of self importance.
There are many peoples around the world that practice ceremonial circumcision. For many it’s just a milestone where the community welcomes it’s young men to “real” manhood and others purely for hygiene purposes.
It is this very same circumcision that other peoples have taken to heart and is the defining mark between them and other people read lesser beings. If current propaganda and dogma is anything to go by you’d be forgiven if you thought male circumcision was a jewish, muslim, certain school of christian thought, xhosa or sotho privilege. The old testament of the bible which I believe many jewish people believe in and always open to interpretation by christians states in no unequivocal terms in chapter 17 of Genesis ” 9 Then God said to Abraham, “ As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. 10 This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. 11 You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you. 12 For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner—those who are not your offspring. 13 Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. My covenant in your flesh is to be an everlasting covenant. 14 Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.”
Similar sentiment is also found in the islamic hadith though the silence of an explicit instruction from the muslim god in the quran is notably loud. All in all there’s a whole lot of people out there who take much pride and ownership of circumcision a.k.a genital mutilation in other quarters. No one group of people or culture has ownership rights of foreskin removal. It’s hilarious actually that many religious folk are loathe to the concept of physical reconstruction aesthetic or otherwise but would gladly slice of a piece of their phallus and by that they’re suddenly a few degrees better than joe public who believes differently.
*End of Part 1*
Coming up next in the Much Ado About The Foreskin: Lost In Translation