The Goodbye

17 Dec

They sat there in the middle of the dark room weeping, clinging to each other for the temporary comfort that they both knew only they could give.
The quite sobs and the occasional gasp came from a dark place buried deep in their souls; a place of longing, desperation, hopelessness and anguish.
They both willed time to stand still as the world around them ceased to exist.
Over and over they had declared their love for each other in pained but loud silence, for the other knew how the other felt.
Theirs was a lost cause doomed from inception, and they knew it.
For a moment they broke the embrace and looked into each other’s eyes. It was too much. The pain he saw in his eyes, the pleas from his eyes….the love was tangible. As tangible as all the challenges that led to their parting of ways. Once fate had decided for them there was no going back. This was it, the universe had conspired.
The silence was building to an ear splitting crescendo.

He finally found the courage to speak, a trembling whisper which one had to strain to hear over the drum that was his beating heart. In that dark room they were one; he and him. He for him and him for him.

His lips almost touching his ear, throat dry and cracking,”It’s not right. It’s just not right but I understand.” The hopelessness in his voice hit him like a vicious punch in his gut and he doubled in pain but his voice had left him and so had the courage and will to find it.
“I love you too much to hold on in the face of our situation. I’m thankful for knowing you, for laughing with you and for crying with you. I’m glad we met. Please tell me that you love me just one more time and we can go our separate ways. It’s not an oxymoron it’s just an insane and unstable heart and mind on it’s own mission. I want to squeeze you. I want to weep with you. It flatters me in no small measure that you’re fond of me. I don’t know how this will help but promise never to forget me. I wish you love, health and happiness. I love you. I do not know if I will always love you this way but I will always love and care for you. It’s ok, it’s not our fault.”
As he whispered in his ear, caressing his back he felt an eerie calm over him, the same calm he felt as his father’s casket had been lowered to the ground. A bitter acceptance almost.
At last he found his voice. “I have always loved you. I have always cared for you. I have always tried to protect your heart. If I stay you WILL get hurt and I could never forgive or live with myself. I WILL love you from a distance, a safe distance. Forgive me please. My peace will come with your forgiveness”
“There’s nothing to forgive but for peace sake I forgive you wholeheartedly”
He stood up, picked his car keys and without looking back vanished into the night.

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